Poisonous Toad Stools Don’t Change Their Spots..and Neither do Nerdy Girls

Certainly, we’ve always known Hermione to be capable of a transformation but there are many words that are not, nor ever will be, part of her vernacular (as evidenced by the fact that she knows what ‘vernacular’ is.) Gucci, Coach, Marc Jacobs, and Michael Kors are a good start.

Time: It's Not Just For Fun Anymore!

Did you know that the latest installment of the Harry Potter series actually takes place in 1996? It did. Do you know what this means? 1n 1997, when Harry Potter turned 16, these are the CD’s he might have asked for:

- No Doubt

- Jewel

- The Cardigans

- Toni Braxton

- The Wallflowers

- Duncan Shiek

- Shawn Colvin

- En Vouge

- OMC

- The Backstreet Boys

- Alannis Morsette

- Paula Cole

- Counting Crows

- Sister Hazel

- The Verve Pipe

Are you terrified yet? You should be. 1997 was a terrible year for music and wine but that doesn’t mean you get to ignore it.

In 1997, Evanescence didn’t exist; Green Day had just released Nimrod after a three year hiatus from Insomniac. Papa Roach hadn’t released their first album and the guys behind Good Charlotte were playing with GI Joes.

Pregnancy 101

Course Aims:

- Inform readers of the real harrowing aspects of pregnancy and child rearing

- Dash the hopes of would-be young authors who find the notion of Hermione getting pregnant by Harry…or Ron…or Draco..or possibly all three of them, a dashing fun game.

- Motivate at least one child to apologize to their mother.

Step One: Communication
Whom do you know who has gone through pregnancy before? Well, let’s start with the obvious, your mother. Meet her in the kitchen with a cup of tea. Sit her down and calmly explain that you are writing a Harry Potter fan fiction in which the main character gets pregnant by one of three boys and you would like to keep it as realistic as possible.

Step Two: Waiting
At this stage, your mother will likely have started screaming at you for contemplating such a concept. If you are a daughter, it is likely that she has assumed this was less a question about your story and more a hypothetical situation that “your friend” may be in. For sons, it is likely that she may think this is a hypothetical situation that one of “your friends” has gotten that sweet girl down the street into. This will subside.

Step Three: Reheat the Tea
That is to say, if she has not overturned it in her initial rage. Take this as an indication of what a fantastic idea this plotline is.

Step Four: Get Comfortable
Yes, I hope your kitchen is a warm, cozy place because you are about to spend the next four to five hours hearing the stories of harrowing three AM feedings, vomit, feces, the time you urinated all over your father and your bedroom wall, bath time, getting mashed carrot stains out of the white jumper she had just bought for you, bank account draining, losing the baby weight, doctor visits, hospital bills, panic, hysteria, chaos, lost intimacy, morning sickness, pickle ice cream and, finally, she will complete her tale of the first month of your life.

Step Five: ?
To be honest, I have not drafted a step five. If you have made it through steps one to four and still feel that your story still sounds like great fun, there is nothing that I can do to stop you.

Step Five – The Alternate Option: Apologize
Your mother has sacrificed a lot for you. Sleep, money, goals, her hopes and dreams. Now you have come to realize that your mother gave up a lot of things for you, that you have, effectively ruined her life. Stop, turn around, take out your brand new lip ring and say you’re sorry. Go upstairs, finish your homework and clean your room. Set aside notions of writing a story about teen pregnancy, realize that, in the real world, there is no Madame Pomfrey to take care of a crying baby when you need to focus on NEWT’s and that you stop being a teenager the minute the strip turns pink.

If the above process does not work for you, come visit my grandmother and repeat steps one through five. If you return home in one piece, your story will be welcomed with open arms.

Private Schools and the Uniform Code

I, as a private school student through my entire academic career, fancy myself a bit of an expert on uniforms and dress codes.

First the punk/goth look doesn't fly. Don't believe me? Many schools have rules regarding hair, make-up, jewelry, footwear, and even gum chewing.

My old school handbook has this to say on the question

Hair:
Hair, for girls, may be colored, permed, or .otherwise treated. Unnatural tones and styles may not be worn. For boys, hair may not touch the raised shirt collar, may not cover the eyes and must not be treated with unnatural colors and styles.

Accessories:
Rings, bracelets, and necklaces may not be worn unless in association or according to ones medical needs or religious convictions. earrings may be worn but may be no larger than a nickel. For females, nails may only be painted in nude or skin tones. Males may not wear nail polish of any kind. Small amounts of face powder and blush are permitted, however, all make-up applied will match the skins natural tone.

Shoes:
Shoes most be worn at all times and must be closed-toe, black, soft-soled with Velcro or laces. Students changing for gym will also require...

...And so on and so forth. .

While we have been given indications that Hogwarts is more lenient than this particular private (thats night, private, not Catholic) school, we have never been given any indication that they would allow students to come to class in short and revealing tops with their hems still smoking from severing spells.